Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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