In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
