Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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