I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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