I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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