He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need moral support for this bender
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
