Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
