Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
