im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
