She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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