i think my tv is drunk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
