the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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