p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
