I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
