I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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