This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
