I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
