She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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