In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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