I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
