Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
