I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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