Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
