Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
