I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
