Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
