meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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