I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's blow job season.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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