it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
