And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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