My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
