Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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