I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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