i just had sex bonerless
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
