I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
