We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
