My Higher Power is John Stamos
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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