I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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