you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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