when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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