i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
