Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
