Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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