Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
