Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
