apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
