Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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