Your dad touched me again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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