I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
