I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
