can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
