My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
