I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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