PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
