I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My ass is underappreciated
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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