brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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