we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
